Take away my desires

In the midst of heavy assignments, i find myself splitting to many faces at the same time and struggling to keep up. 

Multiple versions of me acting at the same time is not fun at all; crushing my soul from the inside. I am needing all the peace in the world rn. 

I did not ask to feel this way nor i did not wish for this to happen either. I have never even asked for it at the first place. Each time i have my life all figured and plan out, there's always something unexpected happened and disrupted everything. What a joke this is. I am trying to stay contented here. 

My heart aches knowing that this is not worth it. 

In this generation filled with nonchalant people, here i am wondering where do i belong? 

I am tired of being the bigger person,

I am tired of being a selfless person,

I am tired of being over considerate,

I am tired of being strong and independent,

Yet i have to faced the world,

Yet i have to act like my age even when i am not ready (i will never be ready),

Yet unexpected things still happening to me,

Yet i find myself trap in my own world once again, feeling empty inside. 

I did not ask for this, Lord. What is the purpose? I have no more spiritual strength to handle those challenges anymore. I wish to surrender and just let things runs its course. 

Ying

Please, take away my desires. I am begging not to feel this way desparately. 

Kinda speechless at this point of life

Every time I start to write, it means I am going to a new phase of life. 

And today is 2026. Looking at all my previous posts as wintersnoopy, I slowly remember who I am, who I used to be, and what I will do soon. 

I started this blog way back in 2005. This blog continues to astonish me for surviving this long (the heck it did 😏). 

Well, I will just pop in and keep writing. Thank you for accompanying me all these years, even during the current times, wintersnoopy. 

Ying

Thanks for dragging me out from the corner of the room, kiddos. About time. 

Happiness is nothing but art and i have failed

Once, I only wished our friendship and momentum will keep on going.

Once, I only wished for the connection and understanding.

Once, I only wished for your hands to be held close to me, the kisses that turned my world upside down, the right moments that we spent together, the same wavelength that we synced, sharing the fragments of our soul where we belong together. 

I thought after all that i could be contented and be at peace but i was wrong. I have asked God to grant me the experience and he did.. but i wasn't contented; wasn't satisfy.  I became greedy. I wanted more and more .. for me to belong to and belong to me. 

All I could feel is this moment and i just don't wanna go home right now. I had to convince myself that God's plan is always more beautiful than my desire and that I had to force myself to stay patient and obedient towards His timing. All of these just because we are the species where we are the so called better and stronger people. How many episodes i have to go through in this life? How many heartbreaks, regrets and suffering that I have to go through? I am just a mere human. 

My doppelganger, my nemesis, my beloved...
I sang a song but no one hears, I screaming now but you're not here. All I wanna do is to say I love you. 
My doppelganger, my nemesis, my beloved...

I can only bury you deep down inside my heart and my soul.

My doppelganger, my nemesis, my beloved... 

my heart has hope and agony in parallel. 

My doppelganger, my nemesis, my beloved... 

when everything's meant to be broken, i just want you to know who I am.